I’ve spent a lot of time with Mickey Singer’s Living Untethered — most of it asleep. Not because his book on advancing “beyond the human predicament” is boring but because I trusted it for an experiment that was likely to affect my thought patterns. As the experiment did prove successful, I’d like to share the big ideas that came through. I’ll offer my interpretation and a few suggested tools and practices.
Subconscious programming was not the actual goal but rather an expected side effect. My primary intent was to address insomnia. Having explored the “Sleep With Me” podcast and sought an all-night version, I had the idea to listen to a familiar audiobook on half speed. I reasoned that Living Untethered, with its message of “all is well,” might not only help me relax at night but perhaps enhance daytime peace.
Some months later, I (or at least my sleeping ear-holes) have heard a softly slurred Singer recite this book many dozens of times. While I haven’t had the hoped-for transformation seen when Manny eats the “Little Book of Calm” in Black Books, at least a couple of Singer’s concepts have lodged into my psycho-cosmology.
Let’s call them “You in There” and “Don’t Close.” The first identifies an innate self; the second prescribes caretaking of human emotion.
You in There
Singer uses this phrase to address the reader/listener: “You in there.”
I love this call-and-response approach to glimpsing our inner nature. You are not the assembly of organ systems that form a primate. You are not the assembly of social identifiers that form a person. You are the knowing that knows, when asked, “Are you in there?” — yes, indeed you are.
Last week I attended a beautiful meditation led by Lauri Poldre that articulated this principle. Guiding us to reflect on the simple statement “I am,” he noted that this articulation of selfhood lies beyond all circumstances and cannot be denied.
Connecting to this essential self can help soften the attachments that cause us stress, because nothing can threaten the “I am.” It precedes any qualifiers. It needs no specific conditions or outcomes.
Are you in there?
Don’t Close
The second concept speaks to the notion of samskaras, which Singer describes as “blockages.” This emotional scar tissue forms when we remain in psychological conflict with a past event. Our attempts to reject and push out the offending experiences, which now exist only inside of us, instead double back on themselves to trap us in a state of distress.
The solution, sleepy 0.5x Singer says, is “Dooooon’t clooooose.” I don’t think he gave specific instructions, though they could have been so spot-on they kept my Delta waves rolling. What I eventually comprehended was that when we attempt to close off to a feeling we don’t like experiencing, we imagine the feeling is “out there.” But our feelings are in us. So when we try to close to a feeling, we are actually closing around it.
Singer’s prescription is to stop trying to block the feelings. There’s no keeping them out. They are already in. Stopping them only stops their progress through you.
I interpret: Allow the heart to sing its song about what happened, no matter the song’s key. Hear the heart.
When you open to the song, when you give the heart your fully attentive and appreciative audience, the blockages will melt.
A complementary practice I encountered during this period comes from therapists Phil Stutz and Barry Michael’s book The Tools. They offer the process on their website, along with a brief recording of Stutz reading the text below.
1. Face the Pain
Focus on the pain you are avoiding; see it appear in front of you as a cloud. Silently scream, "Bring it on!" to demand the pain; you want it because it has great value.
2. Move Toward the Pain
Scream silently, "I love pain!" as you keep moving forward. Move so deeply into the pain you're at one with it.
3. Freedom
Feel the cloud spit you out and close behind you. Say inwardly, "Pain sets me free!" As you leave the cloud, feel your self propelled forward into a realm of pure light.
Next, a gorgeous song on this theme from London-based artist FACESOUL:
If any readers happen to be in London on 24 March, join me for his performance at the Village Underground at 7:30pm.
And lastly, of course, some journal prompts:
What are you trying not to feel?
When is pain valuable?
In the past, when has your pain helped you grow?
Upcoming Event - Honoring Your Inner No
February 21, 10am EST - Join me and Perle Laouenan-Catchpole of NeedWorkshops for a unique guided session on honoring your personal boundaries. This immersive workshop is designed to uncover where your boundaries may need protecting and help you develop specific language and strategies to peacefully reclaim your energy.
Cost is “buy us a coffee if you like,” free if you need, and per Perle’s policy the workshop is a gift if you identify as Black, Indigenous, and/or Person of Color (BIPOC) in acknowledgment of the impact of historic, global, and systemic racism.
Register here and feel free to send questions my way.