“The self-accepting are not surprised by evidence of where they have fallen short;
they navigate the world with a strong sense of their inherent ridiculousness.”
—from “On Self-Hatred,” by The School of Life
This week’s theme in the Journal Garden is imperfection. Through daily journaling prompts, we are digging into our expectation that we, and the world, ought to show up as “perfect.”
While my father has long cautioned me not to let “the perfect be the enemy of the good” — addressing my lifelong tendency toward overthinking — I’m now realizing the problem with perfectionism is even more dire. Perfection, being exclusive to the realm of fantasy, can gradually lure a person away from life.
I recently saw this principle reflected in some journal entries from 1998, in which I briefly dated a man I had described as “so perfect it’s impossible.” I listed all the qualities that made him an excellent romantic candidate, and yet I would not commit.
He complained, “It seems like you want the connection as long as it doesn’t exist.”
Although I could not have articulated it at the time, I knew that if the relationship became real, it would not be perfect. He could only stay perfect in my imagination. To preserve the perfect, I refused the real.
Thankfully I soon wised up in the romance category and learned how to be beautifully human with a wonderful man. When it comes to creative work, however, I am still easily paralyzed by perfection. As long as I stay in the realm of fantasy, my creations can feel perfect. Birthed into reality, they are nowhere near.
My personal failings are only one factor in these defects. The larger governing principle is that perfection cannot be reconciled with an alive, dynamic world. Consider the perfective aspect in linguistics: it describes what is finished (I ran) whereas the imperfective describes ongoing activity (I was running). Perfection connotes completion.
If you were perfect, could you ever change?
Would you really be alive if you stopped changing?
Perfect is mathematical, conceptual; sterile. Imperfect is iterative, progressive, and awake.
As we move into this fertile season of summer, I propose that we acknowledge this choice before us. We can pledge ourselves to perfection… or we can make things.
Real things. Possibly good things. And, in any case, things we can improve.
To support this creative process, I’m offering a 21-day Summer Project Kickstart beginning June 12. I'll take you through a motivation-boosting journaling series and provide weekly live sessions along with ongoing support and encouragement in a dedicated Summer Project accountability group. Whether you’re writing a book, reorganizing your home, or expressing yourself artistically, this 21-day challenge is designed to maximize your momentum.
You’ll need 30 minutes a day to commit to your project - 5 minutes for your prompt and 25 for your priority. Five days a week are recommended with optional weekend sessions. Wait till you see what you can do in three weeks!