I noticed it when I was doing yoga alone at home: my mind was cataloguing all the ways in which I might be doing the pose wrong. I’m sure my hips are uneven. I’m sure my neck is out of alignment. This mental documentation, I realized, was already a habit of my yoga practice. The intention was to note my shortcomings so I could self-correct. Functionally, though, all I was doing was berating myself. Here are my failures.
If that’s not working, I wondered, what happens if instead I imagine myself doing the pose with even hips and with my neck aligned with the rest of my spine? I imagined how that shape would feel in my body. And, immediately, my body adjusted. Not to perfection — some parts are pretty jammed up — but in the direction of improvement. Which was not happening at all in response to the self-criticism.
The moment was a wake-up call about my backwards approach to trying to better myself, whether in fitness or career or relationships. I seem to think I can shame myself into better behavior, but what I actually do is convince myself that I’m a person who half-asses my work/workouts and is selfish and unloving.
What would happen if instead I pictured myself acting the way I want to act? I challenge myself with my workouts. I bring my A-game for my clients. I give my loved ones attention and appreciation. There is some truth in these statements. And, just like with the yoga pose, I start to move myself in a better direction when I imagine how good it would feel to embody them.
A famous study of hotel housekeeping staff illustrates this effect. A recent Stanford Magazine article describes the experiment and its findings:
Few of the women said they got regular exercise—a third said they got none. Then the researchers gave half the women presentations revealing a hidden truth. Just by doing their jobs—where they might, for example, burn 60 calories in 15 minutes cleaning bathrooms—they were easily satisfying the surgeon general’s recommendation for a healthy lifestyle.
This change in perception seemed to change reality. Four weeks later, the women who heard the presentation perceived themselves as getting more exercise, despite reporting no change in their job duties or outside activities. Their bodies seemed likewise convinced. They showed a decrease in weight, waist-to-hip ratio, and systolic blood pressure, which dropped an average of 10 points.
Psychology researcher Alia Crum has documented the effects of positive versus negative beliefs on everything from pain perception and insomnia to immune response (including my body’s favorite way to freak out: itchy rashes). Advancing science keeps confirming New Age principles: although our early experiences shape our beliefs, by changing our beliefs, we can actually change our experiences.
So I’m trying something new. I’m going all in with the cheesy affirmations. Let’s see what happens when I outshout my doubt. I am a Yoga Queen. My practice is beautiful.
Journaling Prompt:
Have you noticed any habitual negative self-talk? What are some of your most common statements?
What do you believe about yourself when you tell yourself these things? What behavior does that motivate?
For each of your statements, what do you wish was true of yourself and your behavior?
Trying writing present-tense “I” statements reflecting those desired states (e.g. “I am,” “I have”). How does it feel to imagine thinking of yourself this way? What might you do with that feeling?
Coming Soon: January Journaling returns!
Following the success of the 2022 New Year’s journaling challenge, I’ll be offering a free 21-day journaling course in January 2023 as part of Kerry Ann Rockquemore’s Joy Collective. Subscribe now to be notified when registration opens.
"I am amazed to (re)discover the grounding and perspective-altering power of journaling." - Yvette, 2022 January Journaling Challenge