I've Become a Days-of-the-Week Denier
at 45, I finally learned how my period works
Life goes in 7-day cycles, right? I learned this in pre-school, and from The Bangles, The Cure, and Linus of Hollywood. There’s Manic Monday. Wednesday is "hump day." We TGIF and (with luck) rest on Sunday. To the extent that work now bleeds into the weekend, we recognize we’re out of balance, but proposed solutions — like a 4-day workweek or job-sharing — still attach the 7 to the 24.
Despite this seeming consensus, I have never felt in synch. I remember berating myself in college when I’d stay in on a Saturday night. Sometimes my energy is high for six days, then I’ll hide from the world. Or I’ll have a streak of clear thinking from Wednesday to Monday, only to have my thoughts unravel from Tuesday onward.
I thought that was just life: Never knowing how I would feel, and consequently never trusting my planning. Where others dealt with FOMO, I faced FOBO — fear of burnout — and minimized commitments accordingly.
How did I miss the obvious for more than 30 years?!
Three periods ago, in a London bookshop, I decided to look into this “cycle synching” concept a younger friend had mentioned. I was curious to see if some performance boost was hidden in my hormones, perhaps for strength training or improving my sleep. I headed to Foyles, a five-story emporium boasting more than 200,000 titles — and found two books on the topic.
Before I dive into what I learned from my purchase, Period Queen by Lucy Peach, a note of bewilderment. There is plenty of literature on fertility. I am glad to see increased attention on the transition to menopause. And yet this book is my first encounter with the idea that hormonal fluctuations affect women’s day-to-day experience. And I had to hunt to find it. What’s with that?
But I’m so glad I did, because if Ms. Peach is correct — and for me, so far, it’s tracking — these recurring changes affect everything from cognition to sociability to pain perception.
Predictably.
How did I not know this? My fluctuating energy levels, social capacity, productivity, and cognitive power have never been random. They were the natural rhythms of my menstrual cycle. They just never matched the #@&%$! days of the week.
What passed for sex education in 1991 was “you’ll bleed unless you’re pregnant, and don’t get pregnant.” I had some cultural idea that PMS can make you crazy and I did eventually notice I am amorous when I ovulate. But I can’t believe I had to get this late in life to find out that my fickleness and flakiness are, if not fully explained by my cycles, at least aligned.
So I’m ending the 7-day tyranny. I made a new calendar that counts days by my phases. Yes, professionally and in everything else involving other people I need to know where we are in the agreed-upon week scheme, but I’ve relegated that information to a footnote. It’s no longer the heading. The top-line information is how I can expect to feel, and with that knowledge I can plan for whatever the day requires.
Four Phases, Four Prescriptions
Instead of weeks, on each page of my custom calendar I have one of four phases, two for the follicular stage and two in the luteal, lasting 5 to 8 days each in my case. Ms. Peach labels them Dream, Do, Give, and Take.
“Dream” begins on the first day of one’s period, characterized by a downshifting and, with proper rest, heightened clarity and reasoning. As hormone levels rise at the end of this phase, we move into “Do” with its energy and urgency. “Give” is the phase of ovulation and brings a particular desire to connect with others. Finally, as hormones drop, we enter the “Take” phase, when our B.S. tolerance plunges and our own needs becomes paramount.
By working in harmony with these cycles, she advises, we unlock a set of recurring “superpowers.” Dream brings discernment; Do supports productivity; Give nurtures relationships; and Take replenishes while clearing the junk away.
It me took a couple of cycles to realize that these phases aren't just descriptive – they're prescriptive. It’s not only that I will feel introverted on my period or cranky before it turns up. These headings also identify what will me feel and be at my best when I find myself struggling or crabby.
Based on my observation, the cure for what ails me in each stage appears to be:
Dream (Menstruation) = Decide
Do (Follicular Hormone Surge) = Act
Give (Ovulatory Phase) = Share
Take (Hormones Waning) = Enjoy
Do, for me, is the most challenging phase because the upshift brings anxiety. Until now, I was trying to journal my way out of it. For the first time in my life I am willing to trust the decisions I made (in the Dream phase) rather than continually overthinking. In Dream, I decide. In Do, I act. And the doing brings calm.
I’m so glad to know that Give is my best time to schedule social activities. I can let go of my FOBO for the duration. In contrast, if I have the flexibility to keep two or three Take days to myself, I know I’ll be a better friend the rest of the cycle.
Try it Out
I hope for your sake that you have many years ahead in which to implement this wisdom. But even if, like me, you’re much closer to menopause than menarche, let’s make the most our remaining cycles. Time to relegate the days of the week to their proper place: as a coordinating mechanism, not a behavioral guide.
Practical Tips for Cycle-Based Planning
Dream:
Prioritize rest
Key time to journal
Identify what’s most crucial in the cycle ahead
Make the tough decisions
Do:
Prioritize action
Take on challenging tasks that require high energy
Start new projects or initiatives
Cross things off the list
Give:
Prioritize collaboration
Present ideas or pitch projects
Attend social events and networking opportunities
DO NOT commit to future activities when you’re in this phase! Run it through your “Dream filter.”
Take:
Prioritize pleasure
Clean and declutter
Do your favorite things
If it suits you, spend time by yourself
I’m still at the beginning of this experiment, but so far I can report less anxiety, more enjoyment, and a profound sense of restedness. I absolutely love this way of organizing my life. I highly recommend Period Queen and this sweet summary video:
If you’re synching with your cycle, I would love to hear how it’s going. Please share your thoughts in the comments along with any other resources that we might not find at the front of the bookstore.
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